i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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