So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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