It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Someone came in the potted fern
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
