there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Michael Bay diarrhea
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
