HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
