shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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