FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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