She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
