There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
