Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
