Are we in a gay sports bar?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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