thus making me awesome and them whores
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
