I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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