omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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