No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
