Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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