I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
