I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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