People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
