it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize