Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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