As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
