I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
