headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
