doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
