I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
