I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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