you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
they need to just BURY HIM!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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