Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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