Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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