Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
