I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
