bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
