Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
