look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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