I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
