she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
