I need help removing her.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
