Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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