I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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