3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize