Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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