I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
