she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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