And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
no, he came in my armpit
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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