I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
