Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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