That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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