You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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