i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
