Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you would pick up someone in the library
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
