I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
