you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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