Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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