Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
