I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
