i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
