i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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