3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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