And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
