I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
