I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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