what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
